So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
