I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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