I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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