I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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