you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
