Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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