So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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