It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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