new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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