My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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