Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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