Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
