I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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