I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
