Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
