my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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