Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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