He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
