dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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