She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
