Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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