You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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