That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
