Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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