ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
