no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
