The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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