he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
