Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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