I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
