guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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