Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
