That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
