What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
