you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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