i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
