for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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