Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
