I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
