Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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