Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
