i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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