I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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