i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
