she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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