Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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