Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
PS: I just woke up from my shower
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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