Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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