If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
