The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
