I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
