please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My vagina is officially offended.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
