yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.