I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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