I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?