____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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