Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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