As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
