porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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