Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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