I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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