babies were throwing up all over the place
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
