I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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