He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
