dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
