I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
