You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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