Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
