True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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