I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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