Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
