I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
