Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
