Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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