im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
