I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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