I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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